April 15, 2016

it doesn't take much observation to see how broken we are as a species.

as i look to others for guidance i find that they are as fearful and clueless as i am. much of my thought process is without direction, fully relegated to a sphere of paranoia and existential despair. there is no peace of mind, not even for the most ignorant among us, yet the fruitless attempt at rational apprehension persists.

having repeatedly found myself in a variety of absurd scenarios over the years, i have inquired more and more frequently about the likelihood for all of this to happen. rational apprehension slips out of my hands like a bar of soap. the only thing i have found to be reliable is precisely the opposite. in embracing the essence of irrationality, there is no angst or fear. a monumental ecstasy glows over me as i bask in the primacy of feeling. it is no mistake that i would gladly spend the rest of my life in an opium-induced haze of dreams; self-medication is indeed the rational way to deal with this enigmatic situation (no pun intended). the need to answer and explain can only be taken so far before the abyss is reached.

so long as we have had this kind of awareness, it has been wrestled with. what do you think all the great philosophical works of mankind have all been about? it certainly has nothing to do with how to file one's taxes with maximum personal gain (perhaps i could be wrong on that one)... regardless, our attempt at capturing this inconvenient situation with our primitive linguistic format has failed to gain any real territory. the primacy of thought and feeling are never fully downloaded into what we call reality.

there is no apprehensible reason for us (or anything, for that matter) to undergo "the formality of actually occurring..." the great tragedy of reason and so-called rational thinking is that it is remarkably accurate; to such a degree that it misses the last, and most crucial, 1e.-INF percent of what needs to be understood in order for one to claim actual knowledge. and thus, it collapses on itself. just as an asymptotic relationship never reaches a climax, and how there are an infinite number of different infinities, linear explanation will eventually become circular.

an irrational number cannot be expressed as a ratio of integers. 0.5 is rational and can be expressed as 1/2, 2/4, 4/8, and so on. pi, sqrt(2), e, phi (the golden ratio) and others, are crucial to mathematical understanding and are ceaseless. yet both rational and irrational are real. we intuitively know this as both are apparent in our direct experience of them. that which is not real is simply a void and cannot be imagined.

the unavoidable and mysterious x-factor will haunt our understanding of ourselves and all that surrounds us. there is no better reflection of this than the discomfort of our own mortality. yet, have any of you stopped to consider the implications of being immortal? have any of you confronted and directly experienced the unbearable weight of eternity on your psyche? five dried grams of psilocybe cubensis says you haven't. it is precisely our limitations that lead us to death. the inevitable departure awaits each and every one of us, and all we can do is deny, reduce, excuse, abnegate, or crumble upon confrontation.

perhaps, we would be best to act in synthesis with these limits, for to embrace that which ails us becomes our greatest strength.